Extra! Extra! (8:51 PM)
Was feeling a bit down these past few days, probably the first time I'm pinning down something unhappy in my blog.
fell ill to fever which scared the hell out of me because I thought I might get h1n1 since 53% of Singapore cases are h1n1 positive. turns out to be common cold, thank god. but it took me days to recover, one of the longer recovery period from that.
I always wanted to live a more fulfilling life for myself and to loved ones, but there are always implications in balances like these.
when i work so much just to get some spare cash to buy an expensive gift, I give up spending time with people. only to end up getting mad at. for the record, i am paid by the hour. (not a lot, just average). when i predict and plan something, and a misfortunate event such as illness or weather sabotages, usually it just spoils the plans for the day. this time, it sabotaged me, screwed around with my emotions.
i hate sitting in front of the computer just killing time because I feel that it is not the way to live life. I hate finding things to do, because I know in life there are too many things to do, too little time. what hinders us from these usually goes down to a dollar coin or simply companions.
i hate reality at times.
how people judge you before knowing what happens. how people only look at the bad side of things when you screw up. how you not reap what you sow at social relationships, how materialistic friends can get.
i escape into my own space when I hit the weights, when I hide in one corner at the bookstore or library or just lazing at home reading up something interesting - of which nobody judges and does their own stuff. today, none of which seem to work.
- Sylvester
