During my BMT days, I have always dreamed of going to JCC. Having not ended up in Commandos was one of my biggest regrets before enlisting, because I loved challenging my limits. I always dreamed of wearing the number 1 with a red beret, and yet that passion was not strong enough such that I would sign on to be a regular.

However, entering OCS, staying in infantry unit, I earned my way into JCC. Just during the preparation phase of JCC – Ex Robinson Crusoe to be exact. I met my barrier, and I almost gave up. Ironically, I would like to thank LTA Louis, for insulting me during Ex Robinson Crusoe. That anger in me raged, and I pushed on to finish our preparation phase and head for JCC. The very thought of people labeling me as weak spurs me on to prove them wrong.

JCC lasted 9 days long, and with limited ration and tons of things to be done. Hunger, fatigue, stress all rested on top of the field pack we were carrying. I call them the ‘unseen weight’.

I do not have any particular defining moments, because I felt that I didn’t hold back much during this exercise and our team had very good chemistry. Most of us have been a section for a significant amount of time, and we all know our strengths and weaknesses. Since I used to hold back during exercises in the past, I felt that this part of me, this factor had been a defining factor for me.

Surprisingly, going all out, I didn’t feel as exhausted as I expected myself to be. Now I know better, how far I could push myself and how amazing our human body could be. I don’t know how this will affect me in our admin time, but I certainly do hope it punches in positively.

I have definitely grown as a person; as a cadet, as an officer-to-be. I am more confident of myself, am more willing to undertake greater tasks.

If I told you there wasn’t any times that I felt really down, then I would be lying. Who wouldn’t? In the face of crisis, taking your body to the limit, it’s no doubt that your mind would tend to give in a little. It’s very easy to slip into the negative mode. I wouldn’t consider myself negative though. It is just that at night before I rest on my shelter, I tend to think about my life. I would miss my home, my loved ones; especially Mom and Dad. How lucky am I, to always been able to bask in their love, under their shelter of care and protection? That was probably one of my lowest points during the exercises, but yet, that sadness in me, kicked me and told me that’s probably the main reason I’ve been pushing on.

No doubt, the best I felt during JCC is definitely the last part of JCC. It suddenly wasn’t about completing the course anymore. After you stepped past end gate, suddenly everything went, ‘That’s it?’ I suddenly felt at a loss of what to do. There was still some left in me. Not that I would enjoy another 3 day navigation extension, but JCC simply ended. I proved to myself, my peers, things could be done. I went through this gruesome 9 days. I never even complained. Maybe I yelled at some of the teammates, got frustrated but at no point I was at self-pity and complained that I didn’t want to do this.

I learnt about myself; how I have been holding myself back all these while. Who were the people I cherished the most, who were the ones I thought of when I nearly fell off the ravine. What kept me going, what was the reason of me wanting to be a commander?

I was pretty quiet during JCC. Unlike my usual self, filled with sarcasm to disturb my peers and always making fun of them to create conversations, I didn’t want to create tension unintentionally or waste my energy so most of the time I was witnessing the drama in action during JCC. I realized my team was made up of different personalities, but towards the difficult part it was every man for himself, naturally. Some people started to be selfish right from the start, which really disgusted me.

No matter what’s the case, I have completed this grueling 9 days course. On the day of graduation ceremony, when LTC Adam punched the JCC badge onto my chest, this sense of achievement overwhelmed me. It was a significant moment of my NS life, something that marked a new chapter. A story filled with sweat, blood and tears. Some story to share whenever someone asks me about the badge.

I would like to thank our platoon instructors for their guidance for our success in Lancer, my parents for being absolutely supportive. Last but not least, my section instructor, Warrant Lim, for grooming us into confident leaders and made JCC something so achievable for us.